Back, And Fatter Than Ever.

I just have no control or motivation anymore. It all has to end. I'm at my highest weight ever and its just not good enough. I have to be thin again.

Current Stats:
CW - 134
HW - 134
LW - 108
Size - UK 12

GW1 - 126
GW2 - 120
GW3 - 115
UGW - 110

Update.

I'll keep this brief.

Weight - 123lb
Goal for friday - 120lb

Day #13-15

Fell apart on bonfire night (Friday). Friday wasn't a complete disaster (1400) but that triggered saturdays major binge (>2000~). I am now back up to 123lb. A whole week lost. I have exams this week so I'm going to eat around 1200cals per day because I'd rather get A* in my exams than lose an extra pound. I'll get back into proper restricting next week when nothing particularly important is happening until christmas so I will be able to knuckle down. My goal of 115 by 1st december is pretty much impossible now so here are my new short term goals:

Friday 12th - 120
Mon 21/12 - 115  (-8lb in about 6 weeks)

Today I'm just eating as little as I can get away with (It'll probably be like 1000) and doing hours and hours of homework. Seriously, it's not even midday and I've already done 2/3 hours of homework. Later I'll do about 4 hours of revision.

Hope none of you failed like me :) I'll get round to reading blogs when all this homework is out of the way <3

Day #12 ~ 122.5

That is the kind of thing I want to be able to pull off. Right now I couldn't dream of wearing anything tight on my thighs. That skirt would make me look huge, disgusting, FAT. But next year I will be thin. Thin enough to pull off any fashions, like the Olsen twins. I wish. Lol <3

Roll is safely in the bag hidden under my bed to be taken to a bin outside of my house on friday/saturday. Snack has been taken out of my bag to avoid temptation so I'm only taking fruit to school. At this rate I'm not going to be 120lb by monday, but it is TOM so I'm just gonna keep going and hope it's just water weight.

Food Log:
Breakfast: Coffee (0)
Lunch: Fruit (30)
Dinner: Chicken Curry   (570)
Total: 580

Today I felt exhausted all day and at times quite light headed. I don't see why because I haven't been eating that little. It feels kind of good as long as you don't need to be doing anything. Lol.

Tomorrow is an 800 cal day, here's my plan:
Breakfast: Coffee (0)
Lunch: Snack (150) and fruit (50)
Dinner: ? (600)
Total: 800

Day #11 122lb

Yay! 122lb this morning, I'm hoping to see 120lb by the end of the week :) I have a new goal to be 115 by 1st december. That means losing about 7lb in 3/4 weeks so about 2lb per week. I have excellent motivation for this, Amy's before and after challenge. It seems like a really good idea!

I am supposedly the same height as Shenae Grimes so she is probably a good thinspiration! I've read she has been somewhere between 95 and 105lb. I think she looks slightly bigger in this outfit but I don't know if it's just the leather trousers?

Today is a high calorie day (1000 cal):
Food Log:
Breakfast - Coffee, Bran flakes, squash (100 cal)
Lunch - 1/2 roll (180) cereal bar (80) Fruit (40)
Snack - Flapjack (140 cal)
Dinner - Beans on tost    (450 cal)
Total: 990
Drinks: Tea, Squash, Coffee

Tomorrow is a 600 cal day, so here is my plan:
Breakfast - Coffee (0)
Lunch - Fruit (50)
Dinner -  ?  (550)
Total: 600 cal

Day #10 - 123lb

The scale disappointed me again this morning. It's better than yesterday, but still not what I was hoping for. I really should be revising and doing homework but I just can't be bothered. I better start soon though, exams are in one week. Lol. Today is an 800 cal day. I'm kind of doing like a 2-4-6-8 thing, but higher calories so it goes - 6-8-10-12 instead. God, 1200 actually seems like a lot to me now. That's a good thing I suppose?

Food Log:
Breakfast - Coffee(0)
Lunch - Cereal bar and grapes (200)
Dinner - Spaghetti Bolognese (600)
Drinks - 500ml Tea 200ml Coffee 1000ml water
Total: 800

I got tonnes of work set today. By tonnes, I mean at least 20-30 hours. I do have until the beginning of december to complete it but still, that's not the only work I'll be set and I have loads of exams to revise for. It sucks :( but at least it will give me something to so.
After dinner I just felt awful. My stomach was almost painful, I just felt completely stuffed even though I left about 2/3 of the spaghetti. Shows how huge my parents portion sizes are I suppose. I'm hoping for 122.5 tomorrow, but I won't get too disappointed as I think it's going to be TOM pretty soon which means higher weight. I've decided I'll take measurements every 5lbs, so my next set are at 120lb and I can't wait. I think having set weights to measure at makes me more motivated, it's weird.

Anyway, this was quite a long post for me so I'll stop boring you ladies now. Goodnight everybody, hope you had a successful day :)

<3 Anna (That is my actual name, not a play on anorexic.)

Day 9 ~ 123.5

Not so happy with 123.5lb this morning. I guess yesterday was too good to be true. I think it's because I drank like a litre of squash before I went to bed so I wont have a major freak out. Lol.

Today is a 600 cal day. This means no breakfast, lunch or snacks whatsoever. It's the closest to a fast I can get away with in this house. This morning I crumbled some cereal into a bowl with some milk so that was breakfast taken care of. Then I put my lunch in a carrier bag inside a carrier bag underneath my bed. Friday or saturday I will go for a walk and find a bin to dispose of it. When lunch came I did eat a satsuma and some grapes, but hey, it's fruit how bad could it be? They were only small portions so 50cal max.

I got the results back from my mock exams (GCSEs), A*s in all three sciences. I only just got them, but hey an A*s still an A*. Lol, I'm just really happy about that. Just waiting for my ICT and English results, i'm only expecting Bs so I won't get disappointed when I get my grades. Anyway, these are only coursework so I can make up for it on the written exams.

Food Log:
Breakfast - Black coffee (0cal)
Lunch - Small satsuma and a few grapes (50cal)
Dinner - Sausage, veggies and potato (550cal)
Drinks: Coffee, Squash, Tea (0)

Plan for Tomorrow (800 cal day)
Breakfast - Tea or Coffee (0)
Lunch - Bread roll (200)
Dinner - ? (600)
Drinks - Tea, Coffee, Water